The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”
Exodus 14:14 NLT
Didn't realize it's been over a year since I've written a post. But I have gone through several journals since then. Thinking this will be my last post for this blog.
The picture above is of a newspaper from a hotel where I stayed when I first arrived in Oklahoma 2 years ago on August 17th. I stayed there until my apartment was ready for me to move in on August 20th. As I was checking out of the hotel, I saw the title on the front page, "Facing Fears", and immediately knew it was God speaking to me. So I grabbed a copy and headed out to my new residence. At that time, I had some understanding of what that meant for me. Or at least I thought I did. Recently, I was looking for something in my closet and found it. Today that caption has a totally different meaning than it did 2 years ago.
Many may have wondered exactly why I came to Oklahoma. For those who really know me and my journey, they may have understood, or tried to understand. (Sometimes I don't even understand.) But also, I know what some people may have thought. Although I didn't show it, to be honest, when God first told me He was sending me here, I had fears about coming. Some fears I knew I had before I came, and some I discovered after being here. Believe it or not, I had more fears coming to Oklahoma than I did when God sent me to Abu Dhabi. I just knew God said I was only responsible for obeying His instructions and He is responsible for the outcome.
Today I was led to look up the word "fears". The first definition given was "fear the worst" ( to be afraid). The second was "fear God" (in reverential awe). Both define the fears I had upon my arrival here. Transparent moment....I secretly feared "the worst" that could possibly happen. While I came with no specific hopes, I feared what to hope for. I feared what to believe God for. I feared what God's outcome might be. This fear had me bond. At times it stole my joy and my peace. At times I had no words to describe what I was feeling or experiencing. I just wanted it to be done already.
Facing my fears was something God had not really required me to do before. At least not the particular fears He was requiring of me in this season. I really had to face some things I had avoided out of fear of "the worst". Or at least what I thought was the worst. But now I know how necessary facing fears is for healing, evolving, and receiving. There were places I didn't know that still needed healing. There was a part of me that still needed to evolve. There are things God needed to prepare me to receive. While I still may not know the outcome yet, I'm no longer a slave to fear of the worst! For me fearing "the worst" is not trusting God's outcome! When I say my faith is greater than my fears, what I mean is I'm in total AWE of God!!! Even without knowing His outcome. At this point, I just choose to fear Him rather than fear the worst.
I recently heard "Until you make God the loudest voice in your ears, you will stand in defeat." My declaration today is...I choose to only fear God! My reverential awe/fear of God exceeds all those "fears of the worst" I had! Over and over, He has reminded me that I'm only responsible for being obedient to Him. That's all!
Now I know I no longer have to fight my fears. I just have to stay calm and let God fight them for me! (Exodus14:14)
I am His,
Faith Walker
